October 16th 2015
It's cold today and the feeling of Winter is definitely upon us. It's raining too and all in all, it's a quintessential British afternoon. I am part of a huge group of people, who love Fridays. For me, it's got nothing to do with the weekend. It's the day I get to spend with my son, who is only 18 months old. He goes to nursery on the other four days of the week, whilst I work, study and run my own business.
I have woken up this morning and although I am overjoyed to be spending the day with my baby, there is a certain heaviness over my soul. This heaviness has got me thinking, which in effect, has got me writing.
Human beings, as a species, spend the majority of their lives, worrying. It starts from a very early age and if you are like me, then you will be in agreeance that when you look back at your childhood and you remember all those worries you had, you can quite honestly say that in comparison to "grown up woes" they really were not worth the bother. When I look back, I wish I had just enjoyed every moment of being a child and enjoyed the fact my Mother was responsible for me. I did not have to embrace financial stress or employment anxiety. I did not have to worry about how I would pay back my University Loan or constantly be worrying about my physical health and what foods were bad for me. Life was blissful. Don't get me wrong, there were awful days. Days of continous arguements about my mischievous manner but as a whole, that was all.
Then came the teens.... oh god..... where do I start? The battle of moving to High School. The cattiness of teenage girls and more to the point.......boys!!!! Hormonal changes were an ongoing battle and tireless arguements of "Mom, you just don't understand!." Being a teenager can be a very lonely place but at the same time, it can be very exhilarating. All those emotions of falling in love for the first time and getting your heart broken by the one person you thought you'd be with for eternity. It's all very powerful stuff and one thing I can say, is that if ever there was a time of raw emotion in our lives, that was certainly it. Establishing your place in society is not for the faint hearted, that is for sure, but the majority of us, got through it and we moved into early adulthood, truly believing that we knew it all.
Then came the twenties. For me, my twenties have been the most challenging. Having left home at the young age of eighteen and starting a new life in a different country was no easy journey. That, topped with all the additional battles a young adult is faced with, was not the easiest thing I have ever done. Hence, it is still ongoing and the pain of being separated from my family is certainly no easier but you do learn to live with it.
In our twenties, we were expected to be so grown up. We had to work, pay bills and be responsible but all we wanted to do was have fun. By that stage, most of us had had our hearts broken more than once and the dating game seemed a little easier. We got through life, with very little sleep, many hangovers and lots of dancing. We managed to get through an entire day at work on only two hours sleep and promised ourselves we would never drink again, and more to the point, we convinced ourselves that partying should NEVER be done on a school night. That promise, usually lasted a few days and before we knew it, we were back in the same position, making the same promises, all over again.
The twenties really were a time for fun.
By the time the thirties arrive, life seems to have calmed down slightly. I can honestly say that when I turned thirty, I felt happier with myself. I feel that I learnt a lot about life and about myself in my twenties. I realised that I certainly did not know it all, far from it, but was content with that notion.
Half way through my thirties and a fully-fledged Mother, I look back at my life and I think of all the good, the bad, the happy and the sad and I worry. I worry about the worry.
Dr. Masaru Emoto's water experiments spring to mind. If our emotions and thoughts are that powerful, then what has all the worrying and negative thought patterns had on our phyiscal beings? We are so focused on eating healthily and not absorbing any toxins into our bodies but surely the most poisonous of all, are our thoughts. If one word is powerful enough to affect a tiny water droplet and our bodies are made up of 60% water, then what are we doing to our physical bodies, just with thought alone?
Perhaps, instead of putting endless focus on what foods to eat and what not to do, we should be putting emphasis on teaching our children from an early age about positive thought patterns and how not to allow negativity to filter in. In my eyes, the Pyramid of Health, should have positive thinking as the first step, followed by food, drink, exercise etc.
Having suffered with various bouts of depression throughout my twenties, I look back now and instead of doctors always opting for medication first, perahps it would have been more beneficial to have suggested workshops on how to change my thought process and to be more positive. I feel that as children, we should be introduced to this as early as possible and this should be compulsory in early stages of schooling. Perhaps, if this was to be implemented, then life, as we know it, would be very different. Perhaps, there would be less ill health and if our thoughts were of a more positive manner, then there would be a domino effect and we would, in turn opt for a more healthier, more organic lifestyle.
So, today.... after driving around with a heavy soul and then opting for some serious retail therapy (which I might add, always seems to help!!) I had two options: The first, was to come home, lay on my sofa, watch some mind numbing television and wallow in my saddness or the second... I could write. I chose the latter, as writing for me, is a positive hobby. It connects me to myself and it allows me to express, what is going on. Sometimes, it pleasantly surprises me.
The little message, I would like to share today, is this. When you are filled with worry, sadness, anxiety, etc. `stop for a second. You do not need to investigate it or explore it for ages. What you need to do, is find something that is good for you, something that makes you happy. Then do it! It can be something small or something big but do not allow the negative emotion to take hold of you for a long time, because you are doing more harm than meets the eye.. Take resposibility for your own health and put an end to worrying thoughts.
September 15th 2015
It's a Tuesday afternoon and I'm siting in the Tranquil Garden, sipping on my Miso soup, from my Love and Laughter, enamel mug. It's not quite winter yet but it's raining heavily and feels rather nippy. I have to confess, I haven't got the log burner going but I have resorted to the central heating as well as my Mom's crocheted blanket over my knees. I've got my cat, Kebi, lying beside me, on my desk. This is one of her favourite positions as she loves to get involved in my work.
This morning, it dawned on me that my life has become quite healthy. My late teens and twenties were devoted to nightlife and partying. Wherever there was good music and like-minded people, I was there. Although a great deal of time was spent at University and work, my true passion was clubbing. My weekends were spent with very little, if not any sleep, followed by two or three days of recovery, only to be pulled back into the mix (excuse the pun) of music and play. How on earth did I do it? I must say , that lifestyle did wonders for my physique and kept me nice and trim.... mmmmm....Platforms and mini-skirts, another thing of the past.
By the time I turned thirty, it dawned on me that that area of my life was starting to bore me. Don't get me wrong, the flame still burned powerfully but my inner voice kept telling me that it was extremely unhealthy. Not to mention the fact that recovery was starting to take it's toll and the entire process started taking a little longer.
For a couple of years, I moved further away from that lifestyle, limiting myself to the occasional drink. Even then, the recovery just took it out of me. My inner voice started to seem louder and I started to see alcohol in a very different light. I started to recognise how so many of my friends and family had become slaves to it's power and I started to realise that truthfully, it was made up of poisonous toxins, which were not only bad for the body but also not particulary good for the mind.
In 2013, I fell pregnant, and I guess, that is when it all came into perspective. I had nine glorious months with no alcohol or cigarettes and although, towards the end of my pregnancy, there were slight complications, I loved how I felt. After my gorgeous son was born and after I stopped breast-feeding, I had a few occasions where I drank but my body seemed to reject the alcohol and I struggled to handle the taste. My inner voice was almost a scream by this point and it wasn't until late January, this year, when I had my final drink. The next day, I felt horrendous, my body and skin ached, my head pounded my emotions were fragile and I realised that this substance, no longer, held any meaning for me, I drew the line and walked away, with my head held high.
It's been nine months since I stopped drinking and smoking and during that time, my life has changed completely. I have a much cleaner approach to life and it's not because I try to, it's because that is who I am now. My thoughts are clear and my mind is uncluttered.
So, as I sit here at my desk today, I have realised that by making that one big decision, it has had a snow ball on my entire existance.
My living is greener. I recycle as well as have a compost heap. I only use green cleaning products in my house. None of my beauty materials are tested on animals. We only eat organic fruit and vegetables. I have eliminated Gluten and Dairy and we no longer drink tap water.
Now, I know that this might seem, all very "by the book" and not to mention boring but I have not struggled with any of these things. They have all just happened naturally. One at a time, I made small changes to my lifestyle.
Look, I am no picture of health and I will say this, I need to do more exercise but I have realised that by cutting out, that one thing, which was really bad for me and by taking the advice from my inner voice, was possibly the best decision and most positive, life changing experiences I've ever had.
One thing I know.... call is what you like, your inner-self, you inner voice, your guides, your angels, your gut feeliing, whatever. Listen to it!!! It knows you better than you know yourself and if you take it's advice, who knows, you might end up in the happiest space, you've ever been and never imagined possible.
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